


Secrets.

by GiveMeMoreShips



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, oh god I was crying through this, sorry if there are mistakes couldnt see through tears, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2084016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiveMeMoreShips/pseuds/GiveMeMoreShips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his grandmother died. Haruka had been thirteen. His whole world collapsed around him. Haru could not make sense of what happened.  He had loved her to bits. She had basically raised him. This whole situation triggered a deep dark world Haru had stepped foot in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets.

Haru had abruptly quit swimming one day. The whole week he hadn't said a word to Makoto; He did not want to speak of the encounter with Rin. The whole event had his heart clench in pain. The young boy instead took comfort in his grandma's arms. Haru hadn't noticed the start of a painful trip to self hate.

Makoto simply accepted the changes in Haruka. He was curious on what made him quit swimming. But he knew better then to push the silent boy.

When his grandmother died. Haruka had been thirteen. His whole world collapsed around him. Haru could not make sense of what happened. He had loved her to bits. She had basically raised him. This whole situation triggered a deep dark world Haru had stepped foot in.

He hated feeling so alone. Haru hated feeling so worthless all the time. He hurt Rin, His parents no longer had interest in him and his grandmother had been snatched away. Haru hated it. He became more silent and withdrawn.

He spiralled down to a world of self-pity, self-hate and self-destruction. It was a storming night. A month after his grandmothers passing and he hated himself. He felt like a monster. Haru could not shed one tear for his granny. He bottled the emotions up for so long he could no longer feel a thing. Maybe it was best. His facade wouldn't be so fake. He had thought.

Haru had dragged a clean razor blade to his toned thighs. A place he could easily hide. The thrill and relief had him hooked instantly. After another month, bags had developed underneath his eyes. Haru had covered his thighs in scars. No one knew though, the swimsuits hid everything. He could handle this. He would get over it. Or so he thought.

It had been two years since then and the only thing that had changed was the bags underneath his eyes were no longer there. Makoto had noticed though. Even though the bags underneath his eyes were gone. He still saw the missing light in those sea blue eyes.

Haru paid little attention to people now. He did not even show Rin much interest unless it was swimming related.

He aimlessly floated around the schools pool enjoying the feel of the water. It was the only thing that knew his terrible secrets. The sting on his thighs was apparent.

"Come on Haru-chan." Makoto chirped from the edge of the pull with his hand out. He wore the usual gentle smile. ' . If only you knew how much of a bad person I was.' Haru whispered into his empty mind.

Haru gripped Makoto's warm hand and heaved his self out of the pool. Silently Haru pulled on dry clothes over the top of his swim trunks ignoring Makoto's protests.

'I don't deserve this friendship.' Haru had thought walking beside Makoto to his house. He had always been so self-centred to Makoto. Taking his kindness for granted. Ignoring him. Being cold and closed off to him. Makoto did not deserve such a crappy friend.

"Haru?" Makoto called from beside him. Makoto had noticed the turmoil of probably painful thoughts going on. He only wished Haru would open up and share with him. He had been so different since his grandmother's death.

"This is the last time." Haru whispered to his old addiction. The scars were ghastly and ugly forever staining his legs. Who would love someone like this? He had let his demons get to him. They whispered words about his parents and words of his terrible treatment Makoto put up with. It had him hate himself even more. The numbness soon came back fully fledged. Haru no longer felt full of tension. Instead he was relieved and empty once again.

Haru however had not realised how late in the morning it was on that certain weekend. He had been up all night trying to fight his urges. So when he heard Makoto call out to him from the bathroom. He panicked. Haru slammed the blades away and hopped around the room. His eyes located pants that were strewn across the room.

"Haru-chan!" Makoto called as he pushed Haru's door open. Makoto's eyes widened at the sight. Haru had his pants half way up. Makoto's eyes instantly zoomed in on the red liquid oozing down his thighs. Ignoring the dolphin covered boxes Haru wore. Makoto rushed over to Haru, furious.

Haru was frantic and slipped his pants up fast ignoring the burning sensation the fabric caused. He put on his blank face and tried to walk past Makoto. Only the brunet yanked his wrist back. A menacing face was worn on his usually gentle face.

"Makoto." Haru calmly spoke. He had to keep his act up. He did not want to hurt Makoto anymore.

"Haruka. How long have you been hiding this for?" Makoto growled out feeling deeply broken. He did not want to see the boy he loved in a state like this.

"Leave it Makoto."

"No!" Makoto shouted. He was mad. Unbelievably mad. At himself. How could he not notice this? Haru had changed so much since his grandmother's death. He had become more withdrawn and had little care for his health. "You tell me Haruka. You tell me how long. I-If you don't I am leaving. I am walking out that door. I will not speak to you until you tell me how long!" Makoto continued to yell with a breaking voice. He was in agonizing pain.

Haru's empty eyes lowered straight away. The boy numbly bit his bottom lip. He didn't need to hurt Makoto even more. He did not want to hurt Makoto ever again. He was only good at that.

Taking his loss of eye contact and silence as the answer. Makoto held his tears at bay and left. Once he stepped out of that door. His whole of reality shattered. Makoto could never think of himself as a good person again. He was so dense and useless. He let Haru destroy that beautiful body in everyone's plain view.

~A Week Later~

Haru was curled on the floor with an aching heart. He needed a release but refused to. His motivation all week was to get better. He wanted to fix whatever broke between Makoto. The brunet had checked up on him every day. Other than that they were in silence. Makoto did the same thing as usual with Haru. Only he never spoke a word.

Haru desperately needed to get better so he could tell Makoto all about it. So he could feel proud of himself.

But he couldn't his body trembled and his turmoil of tension grew. Knowing what he had to do to get through this. Haru walked out of his house and towards Makoto's.

It was 3 am in the morning and Haru knew no one would be awake. The raven haired boy jumped the fence to the back. Once he found Makoto's window. He slid it open with ease.

"Makoto." Haru cried as he clumsily landed. He sauntered to Makoto's bed where the brunet slept. "Makoto." He cried even more know. His hidden pains resurfaced. The warm tears fell from his face landing on Makoto's chest.

"Mmm." Makoto groggily groaned. He woke to Haru clutching his shirt with tears falling down his face and sobs wracking his body. Shocked he sprung up. When did Haru get here? Why was he crying?

"Haru!" Makoto called distressed. Haru's crying eyes looked onto him. Without a thought Haru threw his arms around the unprepared boy.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying. And changing. I'm sorry for becoming a terrible person and friend. I appreciate your friendship Makoto. I do. I don't ever want to lose you. Not over this." Haru cried into the crook of Makoto's neck breaking his heart.

Makoto clutched the broken boy into his tight embrace. "I tried to stop. I wanted to stop hurting myself. For you. But I can't I feel like doing it now. Makoto. I'm useless." Haru continued to sob.

"Haru." Makoto pulled away from the hug to wipe away the tears from Haru's shinning orbs. They glistened with sadness. "Don't ever say you're useless."

"I can't stop my urge Makoto."

Looking around his room Makoto gently let go of Haru. He grabbed a red elastic band.

"Here. When you feel like doing it snap this against your skin. It will still hurt. But won't leave damage." Makoto explained as he slid it over Haru's wrist the boy played with the red material. His tears began to stop.

Haru roughly snapped it across the sensitive skin on his wrist. A sting ran through his body for seconds before disappearing. It actually helped relieve some tension. "T-This could work." He stated in surprise. Makoto smiled a warm smile at Haru.

"We can talk about this tomorrow. For now let's get some needed rest."

Obliging Haru crawled into Makoto's warm embrace. He felt safe and secure all over again.

"Good night." Makoto whispered before planting a lingering kiss to Haru's wet forehead.

Maybe he could break this addiction with help of Makoto.


End file.
